5 Tips To Becoming An Independent Thinker
If you want to become an individual, you've got to wear certain types of clothes and listen to very specific group of bands! Maddox (The Best Page in the Universe) wrote a bunch of tips on becoming an independent thinker in the latest issue of The Devastator. Here are 5 of his expert tips on going indie:
1. Be yourself. The first and most important rule of being Indie is to be unique! The best way to be yourself in the Indie scene is to choose clothing, music, and lifestyles that other people in the Indie scene like. Adopt the Indie culture and credo as your own, then defend it vigorously on forums online. Don't just attack people who look different from you, go after others in the Indie scene as well. Being pretentious is a race — sprint to the finish!
2. Shun popular culture. Part of being unique means rejecting popular styles. Like wearing True Religion jeans? Not anymore, you don't. Labels are for people with jobs. Your job is to look cool, and just like any job, you need to dress the part. Been wanting to tattoo your neck with lyrics? Do it! Your future employers will be keen to hire you once they see you have good taste. And who knows, maybe they also like the same band! Though if they do, they're probably not Indie enough. Ask your parents to pay for the tattoo removal, then get a new one!
3. Spend all your disposable income on Apple products. Being Indie is about looking poor, not being poor. Shopping at thrift stores and living in Bohemian, burgeoning hip neighborhoods earns you street cred, but how will you spend that sweet Indie capital? Apple products!
Even though Apple is the largest tech company in the world and is trading at $571 per share on NASDAQ, it's still okay to buy Apple products because the "Think Different" advertising slogan is burned into your brain. People who are Indie think different, so naturally we buy Apple products, like all the other people who think different. Nothing says "struggling writer on a break" like playing on Facebook with your glossy new iPad 2 at a hip Indie coffee shop. Lose points if you go to Starbucks or Coffee Bean. Even though the coffee isn't too bad, it's corporate, and Indie people only support Indie companies... like Apple.
4. Start a Tumblr and take pictures every chance you get. This is a big one. Being Indie is about self-expression, so express yourself every few seconds with a mobile photo! Make sure to link your Twitter account on Facebook, then post Instagram photos to Twitter so people reading your status update on Facebook have to click three times to see your picture. Don't forget to apply the "Toaster" filter to every photo you take, so everything looks over-saturated and artificially vintage!
5. Constantly tell everyone you're indie. Work it into conversations subtly. When someone mentions a popular movie in theaters, shift the conversation to how modern movies "have no soul" like old movies on VHS. Then, subtly mention something Indie every three or four minutes for the rest of your fucking life. Make sure everyone knows how distinguished your taste is, and when they inevitably ask where you got your clothing, accessories, or taste, be vague. The phrase "you've never heard of it" is a great way to alienate people around you. You'll look so cool, people will be lining up to mount your skinny hips.