World of War-Crack
Fantasy was never a genre that much appealed to me. I fell asleep during every attempt to watch Lord of the Rings, including one attempt on a long and bumpy bus ride. I never once played a game of Dungeons and Dragons or LARPed, despite knowing many people who did those things. I liked Harry Potter, but that was mainly because of my deeply rooted Anglophilia. Screw Diagon Alley, I wanted to see Harry ride the London Underground. I have always liked things like subway cars way more than things like sand worms. But my moratorium on fantasy ended when my brother introduced me to World of Warcraft.
Adam showed me WoW when I was home over Christmas, insisted that is was great, and encouraged me to join up. Adam is, quite literally, a rock star. His job is to play rock music on stage across the country. Adam is way, way cooler than I have ever been. So when he suggested I play, I asked myself: "how nerdy can this be?" The answer, of course, is tragically nerdy.
I spent many hours over the course of two years leveling up a dwarf and a human priest. The dwarf was short and fat, while the priest was balding, because apparently I don't understand the wish-fulfillment part of making an avatar*. I hacked, slashed, magicked, and healed all the way up to level 80, wasting hours upon hours and devouring package upon package of yogurt-covered raisins.
I finally quit when I found myself leaving a bar with friends to go home and check in on WoW. If I didn't, I wouldn't have been able to earn my daily award for being a Master Chef of Northrend, and I think we all know how important that is. The answer, of course, is not at all.
After my stint in Azeroth, I went back to not much caring for fantasy. That said, I do hope you enjoy our very funny Fantasy issue of the Devastator. My piece should be pretty easy to pick out. It's the one about American History.
--Written by Contributing Editor Patrick Baker for August's Digestator Newsletter. Sign-up for more funny editorials and updates via the pink box on the right!
*This was made very clear when my friend Drew started playing, and chose to play a blonde lady with huge boobs.